I would like to apologize to God

I am intersex, bisexual & transgender, and I would like to apologize to God. I grew up in another orthodox Christian community and we were wrong. I didn’t know who you were and I never spoke to You. My prayers were to an imposing totalitarian, phallic leadership and not to You. I hated them in Your name for so long, because they struck me with an iron rod they named after You. This was a blasphemy my mind is hardly able to grasp, and which language is even less qualified to capture.

Since escaping my church prison, I have seen you in the grass-wind, felt you cradle my heart in my dreams and despair. I have heard You in my voice when I speak truth and love. I have felt you in my countenance when I have needed to be brave. When I have needed to be brave. I have felt You in my hands when they needed guidance.

When I am alone, You are there, and one day, I hope to see You in the eyes of a community. I aspire not to be alone.

~ L.C.

(Shared with permission. Photo: Wix.)